BAPTISM

Batter my heart, three-person'd
God: for you
As yet but knock; breathe, shine,
and seek to mend;
That I may rise, and stand,
o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force, to break, blow, burn,
and make me new.
-John Donne, Holy Sonnet XIV

In those days Jesus came from Nazareth of Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan. And just as he was coming up out of the water, he saw the heavens torn apart and the Spirit descending like a dove on him. And a voice came from heaven, “You are my Chosen, the Beloved; with you I am well pleased.”

And the Spirit immediately drove him out into the wilderness. He was in the wilderness forty days, tempted by Satan; and he was with the wild beasts and the angels waited on him.
- Mark 1:9-13

Are there times when we are called to struggle with God? When we are called to engage God in a deeper, more consequential contest for our souls? When we are tested that God may overthrow something deep within our psyche, that God may win our soul to fidelity and faith?

You remember Elijah in , I Kings 19:6 sick to death of fighting God's battles, who goes up to stand on the mountain. God calls him forth and passes before him as earthquake, wind, and fire before presenting his glory as a gentle breeze, or the sound of sheer silence.

You may remember Moses on the mountain in Exodus 24:18 standing before God who appears as a devouring fire and Moses remains there for forty days and nights.

You don't hear much about that kind of struggle in contemporary spiritual advice in Phenomonews and elsewhere about using special techniques such as affirmations and essential oils to gain health and prosperity. Not that affirmations and essential oils are not helpful.

But does it happen, and is it alright to engage God at a deeper level, not for some benefit we may get out of it, but because there is something we need to learn or be which requires us to go deeply within, to some place where there are no easy answers and not quick remedies. We don't do it to get something out of it, but because our souls needs to be engaged. Or to say it another way, because God needs to engage our soul in some contest for our integrity, for discovering our true identity, for claiming who we really are.

You certainly find that fierce struggle in the gospels, and in the lectio, it is modeled by Jesus.. You would think that after God's assurance to Jesus that he is the chosen, the beloved, that Jesus could just rest in the gracious presence of Spirit for a while.

But Mark is very clear that is not what happened at all. Mark's favorite word is immediately – euthews – at once, directly, from straight (away) No waiting around, no blissful resting in the assurance of God's love – bam – right away, Jesus is driven into the wilderness.

And notice who drives him in to the wilderness - The Spirit does. Is that the same Spirit that just moments before came down in the symbol of the dove to tell him how much God loves him? Well, yes, that seems to be the case.

The Spirit of God drives him into the wilderness to be tempted by who? Satan – we know that the word really means adversary, or the one who blocks forward movement. We know that the idea of a separate angel or heavenly being opposed to God comes from another time. But why does Spirit want to conspire to oppose him just after blessing him?

In the 16th century the poet John Donne wrote the Holy Sonnet XIV, a portion of which we read in the lectio today. Evidently in a earlier age, we learned it growing up. Ron Leinweber remembers learning it as a kid in high school.

Recently I had the opportunity to hear John Adams opera, Dr Atomic, on BPS. John Adams is one of our greatest contemporary composers, and Dr Atomic is the story of the development of the atom bomb. Dr. J Robert Oppenheimer is the main character in the opera and in the real life event, and he struggles in both with the enormity of his responsibility and the possible cosmic consequences of what he is doing.

Evidently, like Ron, he learned John Donne's Holy Sonnet XIV when he was growing up, and he sings it throughout the opera. He also reflected that in the words of the Hindu classic Bhafavad Gita that “If the radiance of a thousand suns were to burst at once in to the sky,that would be like the splendor of the mighty one” He might have created such a cosmic event that only Gods were allowed to do. Like Vishnu, “I am become death, the destroyer of worlds” .

The question he struggled with God about, struggled to find his own identity and truth in, the question whose consequences might possibly destroy of world was this: in inventing this death machine called the atom bomb, had humans finally taken the power that belonged to God into their own hands? And what would be the outcome? Dr Teller feared, that the explosion might be so intense at such a high temperature, that it would ignite the oxygen in the atmosphere, and the planet would be destroyed. For reasons that are not entirely clear, Oppenheimer named the bomb, 'Trinity' – had they actually stolen or taken over the power of the Trinity – the three-person'd God, as the Sonnet says?

Here Satan is not some external being, but Oppenheimer himself. The very scientific discoveries he oversaw might that result in such great power to threaten to destroy his own life and the life of his fellow human beings. The Spirit indeed had driven him out into the wilderness of his deepest being where life and death were literally and spiritually at stake. Satan and Spirit are both himself – or aspects of himself.

In the opera, and in real life, a fierce and unpredictable storm comes up just before the count down that threatens to delay or abort the whole project. Is this God's reply to his hubris? In the the Manhattan project did Oppenheimer stumble into a replay of an ancient and universal drama? Only in real life? Was the project, for the first time in world history, a replay in real time and empirical reality of the drama of Prometheus, who stole fire from the gods, and had his liver eaten daily by an eagle for the theft?

We actually don't know the outcome yet, do we? We do know the unspeakable devastation we wreaked on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. We don't know yet what may happen in a world of terrorists and competing states who might use this terrible power for destruction we can barely imagine?

Now our own spiritual struggles are not on such a cosmic scale. But they may be just as real. And it is or will be different for each one of us. What I am saying is that it is alright for us to recognize and enter into and even claim our own contests with Satan, arranged by Spirit, for our sake of our souls, our identity, our integrity.

I would even suggest that they might have the flavor of Elijah's epiphany. As we allow ourselves to go that deeply within, through the wind, earthquake and fire within our own souls, we may well find the resolution and our true self, in that sheer silence, in that gentle breeze of Spirit.

Batter my heart, three-person'd
God: for you
As yet but knock; breathe, shine,
and seek to mend;
That I may rise, and stand,
o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force, to break, blow, burn,
and make me new.
-John Donne, Holy Sonnet XIV

In those days Jesus came from Nazareth of Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan. And just as he was coming up out of the water, he saw the heavens torn apart and the Spirit descending like a dove on him. And a voice came from heaven, “You are my Chosen, the Beloved; with you I am well pleased.”

And the Spirit immediately drove him out into the wilderness. He was in the wilderness forty days, tempted by Satan; and he was with the wild beasts and the angels waited on him.
- Mark 1:9-13